Hang On To Every Word You Say . . .

As I sit with my Mom in her final days, I can't quit thinking of the song, 

"Simply the Best" by Tina Turner, which was one of Mom's favorite songs in the late 80's. 

"I'm stuck on your heart, hang on to every word you say . . ."

Trying to soak up every bit of wisdom and advice I can still gleam from her. 

I'm literally hanging on to every word she says.

The truth is, that every day her words are more confusing and she has trouble completing thoughts and finding her words. Which, in turn, makes me hold on to the gleams of lucidity all the more. 

As I wait patiently for her to find her words or to finish a thought, I am reminded that she has already said it all to us - she gave everything she can to us and now it is time for her to rest.

A few nuggets from conversations this week:

Me: Thanks for being such a GREAT Mom! I love you lots.

Mom: I love you too, SO much.

Me: I get to take care of you like you took care of me when I was little.

Mom: I've been thinking a lot about time today (smiling) and how it all goes around and around.

❤️

Me: Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? What can I get you? Are you comfortable?

Mom: Just be. Just be with me. (as she squeezes my hand and teaches me how to gracefully die just as she taught me how to walk, talk and live)

❤️

Me: What do you need? How can I help you Mom?

Mom: I just wish I could walk and move again.

Me: I know, Mom - but you WILL be walking AND dancing in heaven soon and I'm so excited for you!

Mom: Yes, this is true, (huge smile)

❤️

Me: Mom, I'm going now to see my girls back in Kansas City, but I'll be back again in a few days. If you go to heaven before I get to see you again, I'll meet you there, OK?

Mom: Quickly replied, "Lets race" with a big wink and a smile. 

She knows she will win, and still has her wonderful sense of humor.

Meanwhile Back at Home . . .

 

Meanwhile back at home - friends are loving extra on our 

girls while I'm away and it means so much! 

Friends bringing dinner to the house and Kate showing off her latest "invention" to them.

Friends have stepped up to give the girls rides, to pray for us, to bring meals to Mike and the girls, to take pictures and I appreciate it so very much! It takes a village and I'm so grateful for mine!

The BEST

 

While sitting with my Mom this week, I've had lots of time while she is sleeping to go through old photo albums. Like most Moms, she was often behind the camera so not a ton of photos of her with me but I can see our huge smiles of who we were smiling back at. The one who created the fun, who made the ordinary so special. 

Back to Mac

 

Driving back to Mac Town to help care for my Mama on this Saturday morning as Mike and the girls head off to their volleyball games and weekend activities.

Bringing back lots of food and cards from the girls!

A gorgeous fall Saturday . . .

So happy to hug and kiss her again. Getting much harder for her to get in and out of bed to use the restroom. No longer able to walk or get in wheelchair. She is having trouble finding words and keeping engaged in conversation but her wit and humor are still 100% there and she smiles ALL the time and giggles at us fussing over her. 

She knows who we all are still but still gets confused sometimes by visions she has or voices she hears. I was sitting next to her and she asked me to get her some orange juice, I got up and in the doorway she said, "now who's that?" so I had to remind her it's just me still getting her OJ. So, when I came back into the room, I asked her with a smile, "Do you know who I am?" And she smiled big and said, "Yes, you're Marvin Gaye!" and started moving her shoulders and trying to dance. And then I sang "What's going on" and we both laughed. She knows who I am - just still wants to joke around. 

Flowers from her BFF, Debbie Eickbush, who came to see her and LIT up the room with her love and compassion for my Mom.Over 40 years of friendship is a beautiful thing.

Funny story: I was having lunch with Mom in her bedroom and she kept trying to grab a piece of "bacon" - and there was no bacon. She said, "I can't grab the bacon, can you help me get it?"

I said, "Mom, there is no bacon." And she laughed.

Then I said, "Maybe if you are seeing bacon as a vision that means there is bacon in heaven!"

And we both laughed so hard at the thought that yummy delicious smelling bacon is awaiting her in heaven.

So, the next day I ran to the store and picked up some bacon to make homemade BLT's for her to enjoy with Dad's amazing homegrown tomatoes. She ate the entire sandwich.

When your Mama is craving a BLT, and it's one of her last meals, you make the very best BLT you've ever made in your life - made with so much love.

I took early morning walks while in McPherson, and was lucky enough 

to see the sun come up each morning, while she was still asleep.

 

My friend and priest back in Kansas City texts me from time to time to see how Mom is doing and I read part of our exchange to her (below) and she LOVED it. She asked me to re-read it several times to her, especially the "and then pure JOY" part.

My Mom gave me my old baby fork years ago to use with the girls and Kate still uses it to stab small plates and things from time to time as it's still easier than a huge fork with small things. I brought it back for Mom to use this week to help her stab food as it's getting harder and harder for her to feed herself but she desperately wants to still be independent.

She LOVED the fork!

Glorious September mornings in my hometown.

Kate played a song on the piano for Grandma and had Mike send to me the recording . . .

Very very grateful to have this time with my Mom. We have prayed and laughed together, listened to music (Sound of Music soundtrack was a favorite) and just held hands. I will always be so thankful for this time. Filling her water cup often with "lots of ice, but not too much."  

As I head back to KC today, Brian is on his way to help from Texas!

Back + Forth

 

Back to KC for a quick breath and to get cuddles and kisses from my people. 

Loved picking the girls up from school again! 

Beautiful flowers, meals, cookies and snacks were brought to my family to love on them while I was away - so very grateful for our amazing friends, helping out with rides for the girls, food and more!

Bear was a little excited to see me again too - was home for a minute and was quickly reminded that life goes on even when someone you love so much is entering a new life . . . 

Kate quickly shared with me the story of a boy in her class spilling applesauce on her very special sweater for picture day last Monday, and Molly shared that there are new "stricter" uniform rules that she is not to happy about, while processing it all Kate is playing Beatles songs on the piano and I'm reminded that life indeed will go on and our memories will stay alive forever. Just trying to live the moments. Stay present. The past is gone and the future is unknown but we have today.

I was home long enough to stock up at the store for my people, get Bear groomed, 

clean the toilets, do laundry and wrap Kate's birthday presents!  

The flowers Mike surprised me with on our anniversary still looking gorgeous - 

and remind me of the flowers in our wedding! Heading back in the morning - know it will be hard to leave these guys - but anxious to help my Dad and love on my Mama as much as I can before she's dancing in Heaven with her mom and dad.

The OG Five on Briarwood Lane

 

Sunday night, it was back to just the OG, the Original 5 of us. 

Mom, Dad, Sarah, Brian, and myself. 

There was something really special about just us together in our childhood home again, surrounding my Mom with so much love in her final days.

We gathered around Mom's bed and said the Divine Mercy Chaplet together and the love in the room was palpable. SO MUCH LOVE. So grateful to have the peace of heart that is our faith right now. That my parents continue to guide us in prayer just as they did when we were young is so beautiful.

Sunset walks - and God telling us it's all going to be alright.

Heaven is waiting and ready for our Mom.

We were able to witness their parish priest administer Last Right's to my Mom, in addition to Viaticum, which is the last Eucharist and means "with you on the way." It was beautiful.

The OG 3.

Grandma JoJo has pictures of her "grands" and all their love letters from over the years around her.

I forgot how spectacular the sunsets are every single night in the middle of Kansas where there is nothing to obstruct your view of them . . .just beautiful land for miles.

One afternoon Mom wanted to get in the wheelchair again and get some fresh air with Sarah and me - we played footsie. Her legs and feet are very swollen so I think it felt good for her. She smiled and made us laugh. Her sense of humor is still 100% there. She said to Sarah and me, "It's too bad you're just sitting around staring at me, you two should be out shopping!" No place we'd rather be, we told her.

Brian and I checked out the new turf field at MHS Stadium.

Love walks with my favorite brother!

One night Mom was sleeping early so we brought a card table

 in to play cards. Mom is very child like now and needs helps sitting up, getting on portable toilet, and eating/drinking. She forgets a lot and can't find her words but she still has her sense of humor. One day we were feeding her pudding and Dad was teasing her and said "Open wide!" and she smiled real big and turned the spoon to face him like she was going to catapult the pudding to his face across the room. We asked, "are you going to hit dad with the pudding?" and she replied, "Not enough pudding on the spoon, I want it to make a really big SPLAT!" Then winked at us.